Below are the 13 most recent journal entries recorded in xhopeisdeadx's LiveJournal:

Monday, June 3rd, 2002
1:40 pm	rock Last night was Figure Four, Ensign and Hatebreed. It was amazing. That's all I gotsta say. I'm so happy...head hurts tho..I need a job. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Friday, May 17th, 2002
12:58 pm	still in the end I will stand by your side. Fight for every breath...fight for every heart beat. Would I have it any other way? I doubt that. In the fight is life...and in life comes the fight. Fight for life. What's the point of slowly drifting along with no worries? I see none. Bordom. That's what I see in that. This fight is all I have...this fight is what I want to have. Current Music: trial (Comment on this)
Thursday, May 16th, 2002
5:57 pm	Take back everything. I can't even scream. I have finally got what I deserve..this is all I have...my life, my friendships, my love, my family..this is what you can never take away. My heart is mine...you can take my life, but you can't take my fucking mind! (2 Comments |Comment on this)
5:26 pm	Back...long wait...poor child. This is what I came for. I can't see how this has ever been or ever will be...in your arms and in my thoughts. Filled in with shades of pink that I don't seem to mind. I wait patiently for you...I wait patiently for the kiss I know is amazing. Every second that our lips touch it is like I have fallen out of life and into a whole new reality that not even fantasy could explain. The words that pour from your mouth, they devour all my hopelessness, they kill all my greed. Trees look so amazing this time of year, this time of life. I can't seem to get over the faces that you make at me...the hands that touch me...the skin that caresses me. Pick me up from a place I have fallen into and I couldn't even begin to get out...pick me up out of here because it is you that I have seen so many times in my dreams. These words are never enough..I thought I had felt this before, but you have risen even higher then anything I have even expected to feel in my lifetime. Take my heart, take it to yours and I'll take yours to mine...they will meet in that place between us. You have opened these blind eyes to things that I can't explain...to feelings I have never felt. It is amazing when that dream that you have been dreaming..when that person you have been asking for just appears suddenly...and everything exists so that we will...every experience can fall into bringing us together...I know now what it is to be loved. Current Music: American Nightmare:background music (Comment on this)
Sunday, October 7th, 2001
11:37 pm	Real stories for fake wings. Wasted paper covers the floors as the blood from every cut drips over the table. The death of these lives has lost it's shock, has lost it's meaning because it has been seen before. A conditioned child asks why his mother is crying...unable to comprehend why this scene of vulgar gore would be offensive and unable to see why she should care. I lost the love in my heart...I can't find it...therefore I am dead..fuck I can't write tonight...argh argh argh!!!!!! Frustrations..bye (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Monday, September 3rd, 2001
1:29 am	death I say. XXX. (Comment on this)
Saturday, September 1st, 2001
12:52 am	You are never going to make up for what you have done. Well it's officially over. I realized tonight just how little I meant to her. I realized tonight that I put too much effort into something that didn't matter to her at all. It's too bad, because she means so much to me. I am crying tonight because everything I have put into this friendship has come out as a waste because you never thought it worth enough to put any effort into it...and only to tell me that all I dream of is a waste and that I am worthless. I hope whereever you are moving to is going to be good for you and that whatever dream is being fulfilled will be good. But as of now you are not my friend....and you will have to do a lot more then just say sorry this time..you have hurt me too much to get away with anything ever again. Fuck you. (Comment on this)
Monday, August 27th, 2001
11:08 pm	If the rain had stopped I wouldn't notice because I am lost in your eyes.. In the midst of war I can smile because your eyes stare into mine. In the middle of hatred I see love as we hold eachother tight. I fall asleep beside you and I know this time is right. My eyes are lost staring into your soul as we drift into sleep. I miss your arms right now..I miss your amazing kiss. With every moment away from you my heart cries for your love next to me...it cries for your touch and your hug. I am stuck in this place and I don't want to move...I don't want to move from this love...there is more to come and I can't wait. Hold my hand please. (Comment on this)
11:02 pm	the wings of madness carry us off to the sun... The flag falls to the floor, dropped from his dead hands. The flag he lived for, the flag he died for. It falls like an angel fallen from heaven, like a bird dropping from the sky. The beat of his heart stopped like a car hitting a wall. Dead. His lifeline taken from him in the prime of his journey because he believed in something that was unbelievable...he believed in true freedom. He believed in the passion of the soul..he believed in unrestricted love and happiness...he believed in compassion. Now it is gone, stolen by this world of cold, damp hate. In just one second he was choked of breath by the snake of greed...killed by the hand of coruption. He cried out with his last breath that he would never bow to them...and he never did. And now never will. You can kill those who love, but love will not die out. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Tuesday, August 21st, 2001
7:04 pm	Don't you see that you can't stop a plane with a balloon? XXX. (Comment on this)
Friday, August 17th, 2001
6:50 pm	Instead I decided to be happy... I could have wallowed in my misery forever. I could have cried every night and ignored what was coming my way. I could have felt sorry for myself and been sad forever. But instead I decided to live for myself..instead I decided that I deserved to be happy. I decided to accept my future and move on. I got you...I got you! I can't believe that this happened! There is a beat in my heart that screams your name and I smile at the thought of you being with me forever...let's sit by the river and plan our future together...let's sit and speak of making dinner together and changing the kid's diapers and cuddling every night...let's speak of our life together...let's speak of love. (6 Comments |Comment on this)
Saturday, August 4th, 2001
9:06 pm	in the mood for stars. The belly of my heart is grumbling again. "I'm in the mood for stars," it says, "I'm in the mood for stars!" A tear of blood runs down from my soul and my emotions reach out for something more. "I'm in the mood for stars." The insistence is deafening and the waves of shame debilitating. Hearts like stars and stars like hearts float in the abyss of the mind and wring the neck of sanity. "Where have all the warm hearts gone?" "Off with their heads," says the world, "off with there heads!" In a moment, yes in a second chance, I felt the arms of love around me again...only to be thwarted by greed and hate...only to be stopped by the bitterness of hearts, or souls. It's all in the room, surrounding the gates with a vengence of love and passion...the rules will be broken...the way of number 1 has been blown to bits by love, by compassion...if the hearts could reach the stars...or if the stars could reach the hearts, then would there be the peace of mind we are looking for...this heart bleeds on the counter...blood spilling from it's bowels...the puddles have reached my neck and choke us slowly. Cry to the stars, they are helpless..cry to your god...remember he's not there. A star once told me, "if you love it let it go and if it was meant to be it will come back to you." What words that haunt me still...they rise from the walls to laugh in my face...that star is let go...and it is never coming back. This bitterness is souring my flesh and the stench has attracted the vultures of anger to feed...where is this headed...I see no end on this tunnel, but the moon has shown on me for a second time, it has beat out the sun for another twelve hours and has taken my sleep hostage. So here I lay choking on my own blood...here I lay happy to be alive. (Comment on this)
9:03 pm	in the mood for stars. The belly of my heart is grumbling again. "I'm in the mood for stars," it says, "I'm in the mood for stars!" A tear of blood runs down from my soul and my emotions reach out for something more. "I'm in the mood for stars." The insistence is deafening and the waves of shame debilitating. Hearts like stars and stars like hearts float in the abyss of the mind and wring the neck of sanity. "Where have all the warm hearts gone?" "Off with their heads," says the world, "off with there heads!" In a moment, yes in a second chance, I felt the arms of love around me again...only to be thwarted by greed and hate...only to be stopped by the bitterness of hearts, or souls. It's all in the room, surrounding the gates with a vengence of love and passion...the rules will be broken...the way of number 1 has been blown to bits by love, by compassion...if the hearts could reach the stars...or if the stars could reach the hearts, then would there be the peace of mind we are looking for...this heart bleeds on the counter...blood spilling from it's bowels...the puddles have reached my neck and choke us slowly. Cry to the stars, they are helpless..cry to your god...remember he's not there. A star once told me, "if you love it let it go and if it was meant to be it will come back to you." What words that haunt me still...they rise from the walls to laugh in my face...that star is let go...and it is never coming back. This bitterness is souring my flesh and the stench has attracted the vultures of anger to feed...where is this headed...I see no end on this tunnel, but the moon has shown on me for a second time, it has beat out the sun for another twelve hours and has taken my sleep hostage. So here I lay choking on my own blood...here I lay happy to be alive. (1 Comment |Comment on this)